правильность построения перевода. gen.

[realone]

Подскажите пожалуйста насколько грамматически правильно построен текст, и какие можно внести изменения:

Entities of ex-deputy of the Kaliningrad regional Duma Andrey Gorokhov are planning to invest in "ECOBALTIC" industrial park 2 billion rubles in the next two years. This information has been told by Gorokhov on the air of "Authority" radio program hosted by Elena Volovaya on "Komsomolskaya Pravda” radio in Kaliningrad. According to Gorokhov, further construction of new production facilities is planned on the territory of the industrial park.

--- “This is the substances production facility – a closed circuit pharmaceutical production, which is lacking in Russia. Today, drug substances are purchased abroad, and not always successfully, so we have a problem with drugs" Gorokhov said.

[Linch]

Кто-то сказал "перевод". Где исходный текст?

[crockodile]

грамматика, кстати, приемлемая.

лексика жжот.

особо доставило "we have a problem with drugs"

p.s. есь чо?

[realone]

Вот оригинал:

Структуры экс-депутата Калининградской областной думы Андрея Горохова планируют инвестировать в свой индустриальный парк «Экобалтик» 2 млрд рублей в ближайшие два года. Об этом Горохов сообщил в эфире программы «Авторитет» с Еленой Воловой на радиостанции «Комсомольская правда в Калининграде». По словам Горохова, на территории индустриального парка планируется строительство новых производств.
«Это цех субстанций – замкнутое фармацевтическое производство, которого не хватает в России. Сегодня субстанции, в основном, все закупаются за границей, не всегда удачно, поэтому у нас есть проблемы с лекарственными средствами», — сказал Горохов.

[mikhailS]

>> грамматика, кстати, приемлемая.
Шутить изволите? ;-)

Entities of ex-deputy of the Kaliningrad regional Duma Andrey Gorokhov are planning to invest in "ECOBALTIC" industrial park 2 billion rubles in the next two years. This information has been told by Gorokhov on the air of "Authority" radio program hosted by Elena Volovaya on "Komsomolskaya Pravda” radio in Kaliningrad. According to Gorokhov, further construction of new production facilities is planned on the territory of the industrial park .
--- “This is the substances production facility – a closed circuit pharmaceutical production, which is lacking in Russia. Today, drug substances are purchased abroad, and not always successfully, so we have a problem with drugs" Gorokhov said.

Over the next two years the businesses owned by ex-deputy of the Kaliningrad regional Duma Andrey Gorokhov are planning to invest 2 billion rubles in the industrial park of "ECOBALTIC". This was announced by Mr. Gorokhov himself during a broadcast of the ''Authority" radio program hosted by Elena Volovaya at the "Komsomolskaya Pravda” radio station in Kaliningrad. According to Gorokhov, new production facilities are planned to be built on the territory of the industrial park..
--- “This is a substance production facility (whatever that means!) – a closed circuit pharmaceutical production, which is so badly needed in Russia. Presently, the majority of drug substances have to be purchased abroad and that's not always successful, naturally we have a problem with the supply (of drugs) Mr. Gorokhov added.

[mikhailS]

Ну вот..)))
Аскер, оригинал нужно было сразу давать!
Модно конечно переписать и получше, но не хочется..)))

[crockodile]

на Лингво уже по частям всё аскеру разобрали

[mikhailS]

Crockodile, может, скопипастите и покажете к чему они там пришли?

[realone]

Спасибо, сразу видно что "небо и земля"......

А вот тут что скажите :

“ECOBALTICA” represents a specially designed area for deployment of new production facilities, with full-featured infrastructure, including energy carriers and networks, which are strategically important for its investors.

Исходный текст:
"Экобалтик" представляет собой специально подготовленную для размещения новых производственных объектов территорию, имеющую полноценную инфраструктуру и обеспеченную стратегически важными для предприятий-инвесторов энергоносителями и сетями..

[mikhailS]

Например:
“ECOBALTICA” is an area specially designed for new production facilities, with a full-fledged infrastructure housing all the energy carriers and networks, which are vitally important for the investors

[crockodile]

mikhailS - там открытый форум - можно зайти и почитать. сцылу дать?)))

[mikhailS]

Зашел - а почитать там не густо, однако :)

[johnstephenson]

* Entities
=> Businesses owned by?
['Entities' is more a legal/accounting term].

* Kaliningrad regional Duma
=> Kaliningrad Regional Duma or Kaliningrad regional duma.

[1] are planning to invest
[2] in "ECOBALTIC" industrial park
[3] 2 billion rubles
[4] in the next two years
=> Better word order = [1] [3] [2] [4].

* in the next two years
=> over the next two years?

* "ECOBALTIC"
=> 'Ecobaltic' or Ecobaltic
[Use single quotes or no quotes; double quotes are used only when people say things]
[No need to capitalise all letters unless they're all capitalised in the original].

* This information was told
=> This was (announced/disclosed)
['Information' isn't necessary here].
[You only use 'to tell' if you also say who it's to, eg 'I told THEM', 'she told ME'].

* on the air of
=> on
['the air of' (a TV/radio programme) isn't said in English, except in a few set expressions such as 'the programme is on air' = is being broadcast now].

* "Authority" radio program
=> the 'Authority' radio program or the Authority radio program
[See ECOBALTIC above]
[Note: US=program, UK=programme]

* "Komsomolskaya Pravda” => 'Komsomolskaya Pravda' or Komsomolskaya Pravda
[See ECOBALTIC above].

* This is the substances production facility – a closed circuit pharmaceutical production
=> This is a closed-circuit pharmaceutical (substances?/ingredients?) production facility.
[But be aware that 'substances' is used in the expression 'illegal substances' = illegal drugs].

* which is lacking in Russia
=> which we're short of in Russia/which we don't have enough of in Russia/which we need in Russia.

* a problem with drugs
=> a problem with drug supplies/a drug supply problem.
[If s.o. has a 'drug problem' in English, it means they're addicted to illegal drugs].

[mikhailS]

That's one heck of a breakdown, John!
I don't think the Asker was interested in such a detailed explanation, though..
Incidentally, would you mind using your native English speaker scale for assessing the quality of my humble translation, while you are at it?..)))
Like, what is it - 7/10, 8/10, 9/10?

[crockodile]

"* a problem with drugs
=> a problem with drug supplies/a drug supply problem.
[If s.o. has a 'drug problem' in English, it means they're addicted to illegal drugs]."

it's a spontanously unintentionally disclosed thruth))) they (jacks-in-offices) all do have problems with drugs))))

[johnstephenson]

mikhailS: It was a bit detailed, wasn't it? Unfortunately I didn't read your comments at 15:20 in full, and they covered most of the errors I spotted! Sorry....

However, I sometimes think people don't just want to know 'x isn't right; it should be y', but might also want to know WHY x isn't right. I shall take note of your comments, though.

Your translation: 9.5/10. Is that brief enough...?

[johnstephenson]

crockodile: Me or Mr Gorokhov...? :-)

[Petrelnik]

Для субстанций есть модное слово APIs
Для лек средств - он тут препараты имеет в виду - ну в принципе drugs OK, если удастся избежать ассоциаций с другим значением этого слова)

[Petrelnik]

Хотя и substances тоже норм. А то если люди не в теме, не надо им API.

[mikhailS]

Thank you for your time, John. I've got to say: not only is 9.5/10 brief, but it's also a very generous assessment, especially considering the amount of effort applied (I mean, I wasn't even trying :-)

As for your comments, let me (re)assure you - they are always very helpful, highly instructive and greatly appreciated. At least by the regulars here (I happen to be one of those). I just hate to see a gentleman waste his time on the ungrateful askers (most of them are, anyway) going to such great lengths to teach them while their only objective is to score a quick and easy answer..
They don't really care about the subtleties of your grammar - they seek a translation, preferably an accurate one. And some of us here are happy to oblige, albeit for fun or out of boredom ))) You seem to be taking this helping business too seriously, though. Basically, this forum is nothing more than a public hangout, so one has to act accordingly..)))
Cheerio!

[realone]

Thank you for detailed breakdown John!

By the way, the expression 'On the air of' (tv/radio program_) was brought from this source :
http://www.linguee.com/english-russian/search?source=auto&query=on+the+air

[johnstephenson]

mikhailS: Fair comment -- too much detail. The 9.5 wasn't generous, just accurate. You strike me as a native speaker, anyway. Could this be why you've got a yahoo email address, I wonder...?

[johnstephenson]

realone: You're welcome, although it will probably take you a year to read it!

'on (the) air' is fine as a set expression meaning 'on the radio/TV' (as opposed to the printed press) or 'live' / 'during a radio/TV broadcast', as in 'he swore twice whilst on (the) air' -- but you can't say 'on the air of a radio/TV programme' or 'on the air of a radio/TV channel'. It's just 'on/during a radio/TV programme' or 'on a radio/TV channel'.

Two of the four entries in your link which include that phrase 'on the air of' are incorrect and both are by the same person -- 'ypc.am', whose English isn't very good.

[mikhailS]

No, John, my having a yahoo email address is just an irrelevant coincidence here. In fact, I haven't used it for years.

You strike me as a native speaker
Now, that's pretty overwhelming! Too bad I can't put that on my Resume..))) I could probably use that as a reason to ask for a raise, though..))) Thanks, anyway. I suppose, for a non-native speaker it's the ultimate recognition of his/her language skills when they strike a native speaker as a native speaker! I am sure this would make my High School English Teacher very proud of me! )

Also, I do hope you didn't get any wrong ideas when you read my profile (you know, the Reichsfuhrer SS part and stuff). That paragraph is just a tribute to Max Otto von Stierlitz, a personal hero of mine and a role model for several generations of the Soviet people.
Here's some background info:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCc2J1g0V-4
"Stierlitz has become a stereotypical spy in Soviet and post-Soviet culture, similar to James Bond in Western culture".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stierlitz

[johnstephenson]

Your secret Nazi background(!): I realised it wasn't meant to be taken too seriously, but now all is explained. That's no problem -- but shouldn't you be living in South America...? "Safety in numbers"! :-)