OFF: the English language

[langkawi2006]

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Can you read these correctly the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing. grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't the name of the American car manufacturer "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
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FOR THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT THEY EAT

For those who watch what they eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It is a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

Facts:
Japanese people eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians. British or Americans.
Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians. British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you.

[Deserad]

English is terrible! No logic, emetic pronunciation, awful spelling ! I am so happy to have German as my working language and only to some part English! :)

[langkawi2006]

Deserad, как здорово! Маленький вопрос. Как правильно "Vielleicht das naechste Mal" oder "Vielleicht am naechsten Mal"? Как Вы поняли, мой немецкий уверенно сполз на уровень "zu teuer", и то в Турции, поэтому за правописание уж не взыщите.

[Levitan]

Чеченцы пытались похитить, армяне водой облили, кто-то еще хотел на баранов обменять.....

А наши никогда не делали вам ничего плохого? Или если это делают наши, то можно? А если это сделал негр или чечен, то сразу надо про всю нацию плохо думать!?

[Levitan]

Oops! Wrong thread ;)

[Deserad]

2langkawi2006
Правильный первый вариант! :) или nдchstes Mal.
А почему - "и то в Турции". Они вообще скоро в ЕС как войдут, станут великой державой! :)

[langkawi2006]

Спасибо! А их вроде не хочут пускать...:))

[Deserad]

Ну, в следующем году, по крайней мере., в десятке новых стран ЕС их нет. Уже успокаивает. Хотя все равно страшно становится, когда едешь в Европу...кажется, что Восток составляет везде основное население. Я в Амстердаме вообще с трудом смог увидеть голландские лица.:( На душе стало стремно и неуютно.

[langkawi2006]

Ой, не те языки мы учили, не те...

[Deserad]

Не расстраивайтесь! :))) Лучшие годы у Вас еще впереди! :)

[Madjesty]

Не пустють их, не пустють...))

[Deserad]

Madjesty, ну когда Вы это так уверенно сказали, я пожалуй снова куда-нить съезжу. Вы почему-то вселяете надежду и уверенность!:)

[ultramarine]

Что за расизм опять?! я и так стараюсь сообщения форума не читать... совсем перестану сюда заглядывать, страшно с вами...

[Deserad]

Это не расизм, это страх быть подавленным и растерзанным. Масштабность сего явления пугает цивыилизованное население мира...