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Subject: помогите с поэзией пресс-релиза... С обретением независимости, Казахстан явился первым государством, ставшим на путь исключительно мирного использования атома.ставшим на путь - что-то у меня в словаре только на "путь преступления" вырианты есть. помогите, а. |
| Kz proceeds along the path of peaceful use of nuclear power |
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В догонку еще одно поэтическое предложение: "Теперь наше государство в глазах мирового сообщества олицетворяет собой территорию мира." plastilin, спасибо. как вам мой вымученный вариант? Having obtained the independence Kazakhstan was the first state, which entered the path of exclusive peaceful uses of nuclear power. |
| paved the way? |
| Как насчет (paved the way for) civil application of nuclear fission? |
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link 1.07.2005 7:25 |
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Млга быть так? Having obtained indepenedence Kazakhstan was a pioneer state to use nuclear power only for peacful activities |
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ВариантЖ Kazakhstan became the first state who (с государствами чаще идет who) oriented to exclusively civic nuclear (ENERGY) projects |
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Вариант: At present, the country is an internationally recognized "zone of peace". "Олицетворять собой территорию" - это не по-русски, от этого надо уходить подальше. |
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It's a personal preference thus highly subjective (I try to avoid sentences that begin with "having done....") so I would say: After gaining its independence, Kazakhstan became the first state (nation/country/republic) to choose the path of peaceful application of atomic energy (nuclear power). Or, if okay to change the original a bit: After gaining its independence, Kazakhstan became the first state (nation/country/republic) to use atomic energy in peaceful endeavors (pursuits). Now our nation epitomizes the land of peace in the eyes of the global community. |
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or: to channel atomic energy toward peaceful applications. also, i agree with 10-4, the 2nd sentence is a bit strange. it would probably sound better if along these lines: Now our nation is seen as the nation of peace by the global community. Or: In the eyes of the global community we are now a nation of peace. |
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Спасибо всем огромное. Есть еще такая фраза: "Рисунки на ограждении предприятия, сохраняя детскую ауру, привносят ее и в сердца, души работников Компании". Идея вообще такова: |
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well, i know the context so i will rephrase it in english they way it should have been worded in russian kazakhstan was the first among newly indipendent states to commit to using its nuclear potential for peaceful purposes. now our nation embodies the ideal of peace in the eyes of the international community. |
| the way, NOT they way (sigh) |
| narc - hear hear! well done! only now, of course, the age old question - do we translate or do we improve? but i do like your version best. |
| ок. а как лучше перевести насчет рисунков? |
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tari, those damn murals will be wickedly hard to translate. it will have to be, out of necessity, a very loose translation, because it is either loose or nothing. the child-painted graffitis (murals) on the wall circling the plant impart to its employees a sense of child-like wonder and purity that transcends the gloomy surroundings. it's EXTREMELY loose, but that's the best i can come up with off the top of my head. if a better idea suddenly pops up in my tired brain, i will be sure to come back to this thread, i promise. kath, u r so right, it *is* a dilemma, but the russian original, if left unchanged, was simply unworkable. it's bombastic in the extreme, fitting more for an oriental court than a modern, if young, nation. |
| I would prefer kath's translations - they are close to the original idea, clear and balanced (that's my personal choice, of course :)). |
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The graffitis on the plant's fencing, which radiate the aura of childhood, bring (я бы поставил import, но с этим не все согласятся) the ideas of purity and innocence also into the hearts and minds of the Company's staff. ближе к оригиналу ...bring it/its light also into the hearts and minds of the Company's staff. |
| graffiti on a fence? enrustra, yes, it is way closer to the original, but the trouble is, it makes very little sense and is highly unreadable. so, if absolute faithfullness, 100% veracity is required, then something like that might do; otherwise, i don't think so. my personal opinion, of course |
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OK, ...on the plant's outer wall... although it's no problem to spray a graffiti over a fence and still, many words do not necessarily make much sense... |
| narc, вы только что использовали фразу better idea suddenly pops up in my tired brain... могу ли я этот поп-ар юзать при переводе фразы "идея акции "территория мира" пришла мне в голову несколько лет назад"? или это слишком уличный вариант? фраза используется в том же пресс-релизе. |
| well, pop up is not altogether street talk, but not highly literary either. so, judging by the excessivly exalted and florid style of that press release, i'd probably rule against it. i'd say, the idea came to me several years ago. or,better yet, the idea dawned on me. tari, whose text r u translating? i m just wondering if the guy (or gal, i m not sexist :-)) used to be brezhnev's speach writer, because stylistically he sure sounds like one. :-) |
| speech, of course, damn me. |
| еще такая лажа: забор этот серый мрачный, и его понадобилось РАСЦВЕТИТЬ. GIVE COLORS? |
| нарк, специально узнала автора - наша пиарщица, девочка лет 25-30. ужас. |
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splash it with some color, color it up (which is kind of slangy), add a dash of color to it, spruce it up with some color, liven it up with color. i don't think u can say that in english in one word, although maybe kath can think of one? 25-30? she's too young to write like that. |
| narc, домучаю - могу скинуть не только текст оригинала, но и фото этой леди. |
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