the impulse to elbow and scratch and grab for what I can

[Kristina77]

Пожалуйста, помогите перевести.

Выражение встречается в следующем контексте:

She's done me no wrong. I know that, but I'm alone here. She's done something different. She left without telling me. Bride pulled up stumps ir went without the word. The worst of it is, I can see her point. I can feel how hard it is, the struggle to remember other people, the impulse to elbow and scratch and grab for what I can.
Заранее спасибо