Помогите пожалуйста откорректировать письмо и сделать его более официальным!!!

[Barca]

Gentlemen,
Considering the orderly wind-down process currently brought in at Ch Partners and my status of one of the largest Limited Partners I find it reasonable that the liquidation procedure should be conducted under my immediate control. So, please find below my suggestion on possible action steps for our further constructive cooperation which would allow to minimize possible losses related with sale of the distressed positions in a range of funds.
First of all, kindly ask you to provide me with monthly operating reports for each fund that has entered into restructuring proceeding including the following data on each respective fund:
1) Cash on hand for the fund;
2) Matured claims, including, but not limited to margin claims or other derivative settlement claims
3) Any off balance sheet assets or liabilities that may affect the total return to LPs
4) Monthly performance report on the top 20 positions (measured by dollars at risk) in the fund including the expected recovery value and recovery date
5) Disclosure of any positions that have or about to enter foreclosure as well as members of the investment creditors commitee.
6) Expected timetable for cash recovery at the fund level and whether the restructuring plan is on schedule; if not an explanation of the delay
Second, considering the current tough situation I suppose that the largest LPs in each fund should form a committee to review and take decisions on potential bids for assets in order to ensure that an appropriate valuation is determined to prevent mis-valuation.
Third, kindly ask you to recover all performance fees unаfoundedly charged from me

[Anna-London]

Письмо длинное, время не особенно есть, но одно сразу бросилось в глаза: все ли из тех, к кому Вы в письме обращаетесь, - мужчины?
Еще - "my status as..."
Suggestion > proposal
Предложение, начинающееся с "First of all...", не имеет подлежащего - Вы пропустили "I"?
Considering > in view of, in the light of?...
Suppose > propose, либо "I suggest that ... form a committee..." (без should)
Misvaluation можно написать и слитно, но предполагаю, что и Ваш вариант приемлем.
В последнем предложении опять нет подлежащего, плюс присутствует странное слово "unаfoundedly". Предлагаю "without justification" в конце предложения. Ну и, наконец, charged to me, а не from me.
Удачи.

[delta]

1. После allow инфинив не употребляется: would allow one/us/them. Это не относится к allow в пассивном залоге: he was allowed to stay.
2. related TO
3. Половину глаголов в предложении, начинающемся с second, можно легко убрать: form a competent Bid Evaluation Committee. [и фсё]

[Barca]

Спасибо огромное!

[Рудут]

тут не корректировать, тут переписывать заново нужно. Я бы не советовала Вашему largest Limited Partner показывать это письмо кому бы то ни было

[Shumov]

"...on each respective" -- тавтология. достаточно просто on each